180 in a matter of hours…

This morning started off on a slightly bad foot.  Last night, my mom and I had a small misunderstanding about my graduate school experience and why I am STILL not finished with my degree.  I just wish she would understand that I can’t guarentee a set date to be finished because research is research.  There will be issues with it until I am able to get my research in a state where I can successfully and adequate defend it and not look ignorant.  I am putting in my time but don’t have much to show for in regards to my data analysis.  I am still in that tedious trial and error mode where everything seems to not be working.  This is what is slowing down my progress.  I mean, I already have like 20 pages of information typed in my thesis but I need this hardcore evidence to get me out the door into graduation.

Ok Kristal, breathe.

But anyway, I have felt that the only way I can talk to my mom is if I only have good news because if something bad has happened or if I am not making fast progress, then she suggests that something outside of school is hindering my focus.  This is not the case.  I am still stuck in school because of school!  My outside life is great…the little of it I do have because of school.  I just want her to be positive and encourage me.  I shouldn’t have to feel down or feel reluctant to speak to her because of some setbacks with my research in fear that she would blurb out something negative.  Don’t get it twisted, I love my mom and she has done so much for me in the past.  She is only being concerned but right now, I don’t need any slight bit of negativity for her now.  I don’t need any strain.  I just need to hear from her that she has my back and that she will pray for me without being suggestively negative first (or even at all). 

But anyway, I sent her a txt message this morning expressing how I felt and that I just wish she would just see where I am coming from and why I don’t need the strain between us to get in my way.  Just a note, I prayed about the situation from the time I picked up the phone to call her until this morning after I sent her that text.  I asked for prayer that God guide my words in a loving manner because my mom and I can clash because our personalities are so different in many ways. 

She sent me a text back and I cried.  I was shocked when I read it all.  I was like “Did this come from my mom?”  It was so supportive and positive and encouraging.  She said that she understand how it is when life gets hard and that I wasn’t giving her much credit for understanding.  She said that she’s proud of me for being real and being determined when things aren’t going the way I would like.  She said that she is always willing to listen to my struggles (which I haven’t been telling her because of fearing she would twist my obstacles into negative triffles).  I cried when she said that I wasn’t giving her much credit for understanding.  I guess this is true.  Sometimes when I have tried in the past to discuss my fallbacks in grad school, she tried to relate it to something on a lesser level that she had been through.  But my mom has been through some really rough spots and survived it all.  She is strong.  I felt bad after reading that.  I asked God for forgiveness and prayed some more.  I am about to send her a message back apologizing for my response last night and how I appreciate that we can relate on some level about the situation.

I felt a sense of relief that I don’t have to be this overachieving perfectionist graduate superwoman when I pick up the phone and talk to my mom.  I can be me because I am human just like she is human.  I thanked God for this.  God answers prayer all the time if it is in His will.  I will continue to pray that my relationship with my mom will strength in due time.  We are not as tight as some mother-daughter relationships.  But I will be persistant with my prayers and actions so we can be strengthened together.

All in all, I am happy.  God is truly good.  If you don’t know, you need to find out about it real soon.  God blessed me with a helpful lab meeting with my advisor and an encouraging conversation with an older guy at the gas station.  We were using the same pump (one of us on each side) and were discussing the gas prices and how it is getting ridiculous (it is around 3.50 a gallon around my area).  Nevertheless, he told me that I have a beautiful smile and a nice personality.  I was like “Awww, thanks!”  That cheered me up even more.  He jokingly asked if I had a boyfriend and I told him yes.  He laughed and said that I am a ‘few’ years too late.  I ended the convo by saying maybe I catch you at the next cheapest gas station next time.  I told me he will meet me there.  We both chuckled and went about our ways. 

You never know who my cross your path in life to bring a little sunshine along the way.  I am feeling so motivated right now and blessed.

Thank you God!

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4 Responses

  1. It’s good that you were able to express that to your mom and that she responded lovingly. There’s nothing wrong with expressing it and it’s good you got it out in the open, and were prayerful. I probably should have prayed before I told my mother how I felt about stuff she was saying to me (a month or so ago)… I’m happy for you that it made your day turn around for the better.

  2. Oh yea, I found the other period you were talking about!

  3. […] Mama G wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptThis morning started off on a slightly bad foot. Last night, my mom and I had a small misunderstanding about my graduate school experience and why I am STILL not finished with my degree. I just wish she would understand that I can’t … […]

  4. Just stopping by to see wassup today. If you like, when you get a chance come by and enter my contest. Thanks!

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